Monday, February 21, 2005
title:{Robotics}
Well it has been a hectic week for me and I'm really half dead now. Robotics sure is a CCA that drains your brain power as much as choir does. So I had like super dosage of both so you roughly get to know the kind of state my brain is in now.
Wednesday 16th Feb 2005
A day of choir and super brain draining. Until I can't really remember what we did. Oh yeah, Ain't that good news. How horrendous can it get. Stupid G it just doesn't sound right. So lousy quality. But ya its cool listening all the parts trying to harmonize with each other. Keyword "trying", must train a lot more more more. needs lots of improvement
Thursday 17th Feb 2005
The day where it ends early ends up pretty late. Went to Woodlands Rings Secondary School for the robotics training. Stupid irritating master track and dual track. Haha they only made one side of it and using old program. As usual the new model of racer simply sucks a lot. Kept screwing up so many time that really no hope. Always got like sensors problem and such. The old one at least is reliable. Old is good in some ways. Then later went on to Funan IT Mall, man the Temasak Poly people so slow deliver the tracks had to wait for one hour or so for them to build the track and start practicing. Like I said new racers kept having problems so yea it was so frustrating doing all the darn work and qualifying is the next day. Ended up doing until 11 plus. Managed to catch the last train home how lucky. So freaking late but yea and have to wake up early tomorrow. Man, horrible.
Friday 18th Feb 2005
Yes the qualifying day for the F1 master track. Its amazing, both the race and the high waiting time. Had to wait for so many hours for the secondary school category to finish and went there early giving me only 3 hours of sleep. Barely surviving at all. When it came to my group's turn we had little confidence so all we tried to do was at least clock a timing and do our best that we can. After that I left for choir. Heard from Robin we managed to get 3th and 9th placing in the qualifying round going to finals. Kinda surprised guess the other teams screwed up pretty badly huh. Choir was horrible yet again. Stupid new song, any song that has an A and some weird chromatics crap simply gets on my nerves. I lose my cool just as how irritated I got with the stupid Merry Christmas. All them high notes and this time even tenor 2s gotta do it. Good luck haha. Then went to Serene(again) Macs and did some recording by the road side. Kinda cool got the vehicles whooshing by sound haha. Well went back home and listened to that. Not really good need loads of improvement and I'm sure we can do better, just needs more practice.
Saturday 19 Feb 2005
Dual track day. Man another long day of waiting. At least I managed to catch some sleep during that day. Our turn was like so long and we waited for about 5 hours after caging for our category to start. Lucky there was movies to watch like The New Police Story. Nice to watch that movie so fun. At least something interesting to entertain ourselves for a while. Our dual track was cool. Auto qualification into the 8 quarter finalist. Apparently our opponent is not there so walkover and get into it. Fought with ITE(Macpherson) and well unable to run fast enough we lost to them. At least we got a merit. It seems ITE people can't run at their optimum too, racing at 95% but still their timing is so darn fast. End the day trying to improve and getting some timing out of it. Was so tired and my brain zoning out. Got some good results which gave us little assurance for tmr.
Sunday 20 Feb 2005
Today was a great day. Well we thought it was hard to play in the competition but we persevered and managed to have both our teams win something in the F1 master track as well as the dual track. Good job to Boltz for winning 3rd placing in the dual track beating ITE9Macpherson). Overall our results was quite good, well at least satisfactory. 4 trophies for the school and 3 individual ones. ITE(Macpherson) as usual clinched the trophy cup again this yesterday and their awards are simply crazy. With their godly timing for the F1 Master Track you could see a table full of their trophies really spilling over the table. Man they are freaking crazy as they are darn good. But this year it seems some place they aren't working as well. It was a good fight and congratulations to all the teams in JC/ITE category for having nice a nice competitiveness with us. At least some did win something out of it all. After prize presentation immediately went to go meet the choir gang to do Amelia's Birthday Celebration thingy. Ate cake and Burger King and also listened to some of the recordings. Only thing we didn't do is sing songs. Well kinda tiring day and I must say the week was fun but very draining. Well next week is hard, gotta study real mad for Common Test. Hope I don't screw up and I might consider gambling and joining facil again.
2:22 am;
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
title:{Valentines Day In CJC}
Wow it was really a great day today. Valentines day never been so good before. First time giving gifts to people and receiving gifts from people. Sure is a great difference when from all boys school for 10 years. Well it just feels good. I wanna thank everyone for their great gifts and really appreciate all the time you guys put into it. I'm sorry if I didn't have anything for you or that my gift wasn't good enough. But well its really great to have all you great pals, I would love to give you a great big hug but can be kinda awkward for me.(I don't hug girls often haha).
Well hmm let's see I got pretty much a lot of chocolates and cards and very innovative stuff.(Test tube with colored salt/chalk personalized with name). Well my gifts of flowers probably the most simpliest one but I'm glad you guys liked it. Thought so myself all the pretty little colors lol. Too bad there wasn't much of a variety when I bought it so I went more for physical appearance rather than type. Hmmm everyone got stuff and its quite a fun day. I really enjoyed it and it was pretty tiring considering how boring lessons became after half the day passed.
Getting gifts can be quite a headache considering who I have to give and make sure my amount was right. Good thing I budget well though too bad I couldn't give the girls in my junior class(Go 1T14!) an individual flower( 16 flowers i'm gonna go broke soon)lol.
Blood donation today, too bad I didn't participate. I get really weak fast on the thought of sitting there donating blood and removing the lifeforce from me Even the thought of it is enough to make me weak. But well this time I might not donate but I plan to at least donate once in this school. I'm gonna do it next time they have it which should be in the second term. At least yea saves 3 lives they say. So better psych myself up for the next time they visit.
Well it's been a wonderful day, ate lots of chocolates, read lots of cards. I must say its the first time for me. Thanks a lot for your wonderful gifts of friendship and love. You guys rock ! By popular demand certain content of this blog has been removed.
1:22 pm;
Monday, February 14, 2005
title:{Chinese New Year Update}
Chinese New Year, yes a great time to collect lots of red packets. Kinda monotonous but well that's tradition. Only thing different this year was my brother was sick. Yea, poor kid's got a fever and flu/cough. So couldn't enjoy as much as other years.
Reunion dinner is yu sheng and the same shark fin soup, chicken yum yum. Went to river hong bao but this year as it is, routine was different.
Usually we would always go to marina square to eat MOS Burger's french fries. Dang they had to choose a time like this to go renovate the place. So sad no french fries. But well the place was lively with lots of stuff. I got showered by the God Of Fortune with the little gold pieces of paper. And bought a handphone accessory, supposed to be decorated with rabbit animals but I think I got ripped off.
Anyway Chinese New Year the day itself. My poor bro gotta spend time at home. As usually my father would sponsor me 10 bucks for the blackjack table. This time round my luck isn't as good as before. Although I got like blackjack for 7 times, my net balance was negative. My cousin's lucky every year as usual, winning everyone's cash in a blink of an eye. I was fortunate to keep my 10 bucks going on for 3 hours before finally it dwindled to nothing.
Then time to vist my other grandma's house. There ate steamboat and there was lot of food left over. Its kinda good for tradition dictates when there is left over food, it means the family will be well fed for many years to come or something like that. Miss out going to grandaunt's place this year, brother sickness cut us short but nevertheless it was a fun day.
12:55 pm;
Monday, February 07, 2005
title:{Losing My Mind}
Man I'm really acting differently lately. I seem to be in a different frame of mind altogether. Emotionally I seem to be geting more agitated and impatient. Losing my patience and temper easily, flaring up at almost anything. I gotta control myself but its hard. All the stress and stuff. Thought it was stress and I tried to slacken things a bit. But it doesn't seem to be working well. Still too many things in my head to be taken care of and my plate is kinda getting real full now. Horoscope, either you believe in them or they just somehow are freaky in dictating what you are going to do. Perhaps much of life is predestined. To me its kinda true, whoever it is out there sure is doing a good job giving me a good life I have. Good friends, good school, good social environment, good challenges and obstacles for me to overcome. Perhaps the current situation I'm in is just one very big hurdle for me to jump across.
School, workload seems slack, but somehow it seems heavy. I don't know, perhaps its because right now my mind isn't as it is. So much for my teacher saying I'm stressed and look different. Maybe I am different, but then again I'm not sure how I was in the first place. Trying to be the perfect person, at least be a better person, someone liked by others or something like that. Well either be that or be myself, which I still haven't discovered what exactly it is. I tend to be a little socially weird person, my personality kinda changes depending on who I'm with and the environment. Wish there was like a fixed kind of thing.
Getting more and more wrapped up in myself and my problems. At least I'm writing them down. I miss a lot of things in life. ALW, lots of what I've learnt pretty much forgotten but I'll never forget the experience in EmpowerU workshop. Everyone needs a hug, ya quite true but I get none, so sad. All them darn stereotypes. Haiz, I can get so lost just talking to myself, very bad. But then again at least its better to talk about your problems then keep it all inside yourself. I can't imagine I can actually type out so fast all my problems in one go. Sure it might not help me solve them all but I feel a teeny weeny better. But this is just halfway there, still gotta find solutions to them problems.
Had a BBQ last night. Realized I'm not the kind of social person I am. Wish I could be like yo people wassup, go around shaking hands and smiling. Smiling is kinda hard for me. I realized I smile better when I take off my spectacles. Somehow me having little perception of my surroundings just makes me happier, hence the phrase "Ignorance Is Bliss". Indeed I feel better, in a sense. It was sort of a fun day. Ate lots of stuff(getting fat) and mixed around a bit with my class. Well glad to see them bonding on so well. Probably one reason I don't mix well is probably I usually act before I think. Man I really need to get a image changeover or something.
Wow what a long blogging session. Been keeping things inside me too much. Its kinda true when you keep all your stress in you. You tend to really lose it. I think I already lots of a few screws, nuts and bolts from my brain. Man gotta relax somehow. Need to learn martial arts, but self-learning is always hard. Need a sparring partner for so many moves, and the small area in the house is hard to master weapon use, haha. Sorry to those who are reading(if anyone reads in the first place) I seem to be rambling a lot but ya need to get them all out.
I miss ALW a lot. Jen and Celine, Brent and Dale. All the montfort guys who were with me during EmpowerU and those few girls as well. Cats, I still remember my group name and what we did. Including all the helpers as well, I remember Daphne the most, probably because she was the helper for our group. Elizabeth, and Cliff/Clive can't remember your name. Man I love that weekend. Was the best of my life. I wished I had blogged it down. I wish I could live that weekend again. Life was good, and is still good with my new friends. I don't think I want it to be better because I can't imagine anything better than this. Love you guys a lot.
1:12 pm;
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
title:{The Conflict Within}
Terrible weeks have passed by and I'm glad I managed to survive both physically and mentally. Well not really so for the mentally part. I try to take one day at a time but it just seems rather difficult when there are like so many things to handle within one year. At least to me its many, but I don't know, let's list them out. First and most obvious is A levels, Grade 8 piano practical, SYF choir, Robotic time and commitment(teacher keeps breathing down my back), signing up for NS, prepareing for NS (NAPFA), searching my feelings and thoughts about whether my feelings for ppl are infatuation or something else. So many things piling up and well kinda hard to think.
Hard to think simply leads to my remembering that day. First time ever been berserk before. So scary, emotions like totally lost in only one word "KILL". Man it was so totally freaky. Haiz I probably kinda freaked out my friends already. I don't know, these few weeks its been hard to control myself mentally. I don't know what to do, how to do things. I just wanna rest my brains. I really wonder to myself sometimes am I doing the right things. I really have the tendency to act before I think, so explains my berserk nature/behavior. Wish I could change myself for the better. Already worked hard building rapport with lots of friends and not good to lose them all just because I don't think before I act.
Personality wise I'm not really sure of it myself. I'm think I'm like a chameleon. Kinda changing to the environment or people around me. If got high people already I get high, well I've learnt before that's how you build rapport but it kinda loses my individuality. The thing is, who should I be? Be myself, but how? I don't know, it sure doesn't really look positive on me but I don't know how to change for the better. Haiz life really sucks. Wish I could deal with things better.
Today had the abortion talk. Was showed a really gruesome video. Man it was totally sick. Here again conflict occurs. How should I respond? I don't know, part of me just wanna cry out in pain and part of me just clenches my fist and ready to go berserk again. Sensitive, or monstrosity. Which do I choose? I really don't know. Stupid stereotyped world. I wish I could solve my problems one at the time, but yea its hard.
Well its good to reflect once in a while on things around you. It can sort of put things in perspective for you and help you sort things better. But right now I'm still as confused as ever. Music may calm the savage beast within but for how long? I don't know, music is my life. Just as many things else that remove me from reality and enjoy a more soothing experience elsewhere. I wish, I could have someone to hug again.
12:21 pm;
