Monday, September 26, 2005
title:{Miserable}
Haiz, yet another day where depression and misery sets in. Can feel the darkness of negative thoughts and emotions just washing over me and knocking down every defense I have, something like a dementor sucking the life out of you. Haiz. I hate this. Feeling so crappy and stuff. Probably hope I can end this just as how I end all my horrible nightmares, get myself killed so I can wake up or something. Anyway who cares. I doubt anyone bothers.
So I decided to take all my troubles on myself physically. Doing the usual 3 sets and stuff. This time, it was raining. Not really pouring but nevertheless there is rain. Feeling headache a bit. Maybe I'll catch pneumonia or something and die. End all this horrible misery of mine. After all, no one cares ya? Even I don't.
Missing my EmpowerU friends. The emotion bond we all shared, it just can't be broken. Somehow or another, we know how each other feel and how we think. So cool to have buddies like that. Sadly, don't really have friends that share that same kind of closeness. Not many people probably share the same kind of crazed passion as me. Haha miss the times we had man. Just being really out of our minds.
Night studying yet again. Going to miss my family now. Not going to see them as often as I should, at least there is still the weekend. Oh wells, I'm going to like go meditate and try to clear my head. This morning's nightmare was seriously too crazy for me to handle.
8:17 pm;
Friday, September 23, 2005
title:{Mood Analysis}
You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.
You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!
You are a dreamer and you seek perfection in any relationship that you may establish. Some of your ideas and standards are over the top so it may be a good idea to review your perception of life and accept people for what they are - not for what you would like them to be.
You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.
You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.
9:34 pm;
Thursday, September 08, 2005
title:{Stressed Out}
Wow blogging more often lately. Well that can't be helped. My mind is like overload mode already. I actually don't feel stressed out or like head pain. But somehow inside its really really mesed up. Haiz prelims grow closer and judging from what I've been trying hard to do, which is study, is maybe nothing much. Did mostly physics, since its the most screwed up subject currently.
Watched Brother Bear just now. Can't believe I nearly cried again at the same ending part, where all the 3 brothers get together again. Well Disney's movies always get to me. Its just their story man, so emotional, gets you in the scene itself and feel it up close and personal. Oh well.
Been thinking a lot about the future lately. What it would be like. Yea, kinda stupid to think about something far off and just ignore the present. Like escaping reality again. Oh well, sometimes I think of bad stuff but here's a good advice. Whenever you think of the future, be it a good or bad image, tell yourself that it will be much better than you imagined. That way it will definitely make you feel better.
Oh well, I'm so dead. Well you can probably tell that from how much I need to talk to this blogournal so often. Haiz, someone save me from the horror.
9:24 pm;
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
title:{Reflections}
Whew yet another day of great exercise. Morning had badminton and evening the usual stuff. This time I jogged for about 20 mins including running to nearby shopping centre to get toilet and back to the park. 3 sets as usual making this the 5th day of loads of exercise. Well I'm going to stop tomorrow. Not good to stress out my whole body.
Makes me wonder why I am actually doing all these. To keep fit and prepare for army? To give myself a great workout to lose those flabs? Or to literally run away from my problems? Come to think of it. I think these torturous exercises are becoming a form of escapism for me. I'm like battering myself over and over again through a less subtle form, in a guise of exercise.
Well maybe its true. I am running away from things that I fear. My fear of prelims and A levels. My fear of stress, and many other stuffs. Both rational and irrational fears, I'm like running away from them or inflicting pain upon myself to get away from it all. Its probably equivalent to like taking drugs or alcohol or cutting yourself. Maybe just another form.
Well, getting to know my emotions and feelings better. At least I can identify them better and know its source or reason. But still adept at trying to resolve it. Especially when its a new feeling. Well, my body is feeling the strain of all these 'exercise'. Strange thing is I seem to be able to last better, my inside my wheels are like straining and creaking already. Better start meditating and try to heal myself. Exams coming, don't want to get sick for no reason.
9:00 pm;
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
title:{Working It Hard}
Yes its another evening of work out. Today I replaced the run with a jog with a good pacing of course considering I don't want to wear our my shins ankles and knees. Wow 4 days of exercise in a row and I did 3 sets again. Amazing how the mind really works.
Today I tried a few techniques out and that is to really utilize the mind. Learning from the book how to turn (Fear into Dissipation) or the 3 step (Fear to something else to Dissipation). I today tried using Love or Passion as a catalyst. Well it sort of worked. But methinks its probably my berserk mode on. I kinda feel nutsy when I try to exert myself. I can like laugh with the added strength I find. Pretty freaky huh. Oh well anyway ya some simple thoughts of a special someone can really boost the body if you do it right. So far I'm trying to learn how to control it and put to my advantage.
Prelims coming. Lots of mental and physical torture. Well I probably will do mediocre but I'll try my best of course. For now I'm just trying new techniques to boost my brain power. Sudoku is cool for my morning bus rides and back home. Keeps the mind working. My daily exercise is cool too though I must rest sometimes to let my body heal. Man I feel good. Hope I can apply all these new stuff to my daily life.
The story below is something worth to reflect about. Its really really touching and I have no doubt there is someone like that amongst us all. Those who will really sacrifice a lot just for their loved ones. So inspiring. Oh well, we can't all be like that, but we can work towards that idea of course.
8:39 pm;
Monday, September 05, 2005
title:{PE mania}
I guess I must be missing CJC's mass PE a lot. Been doing lots of exercise lately. In fact 3 days in a row including today. Run run run, doing a set of pull ups, push-up, crunches and leg lifts. Wow today even like do 3 sets of if. 5 pull ups, 20 pushups, 30 crunches and 15 leg lifts. Man totally awesome. Feels so shiok. Although I went home my legs and arms were like wobbly. And holding the chopsticks seems kinda weird.
Anyways here's an interesting I have found.
THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT
It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in
his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he
was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an
hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch
and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his
wound.
On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the
needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked
him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a
hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the
>nursing home to
eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a
while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I
asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no
longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though
she doesn't know who you are?"
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still
know who she is."
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and
thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of
all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails,
>sometimes there are some
that come along that have an important message, and this is one of those
kinds. Just had to share it with you all.
Oh, by the way, peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank.
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just
make the best of everything they have. (Amen to that!)
8:40 pm;
Saturday, September 03, 2005
title:{Quotations}
A couple of quotations I came across today and found it very interesting.
"There are only two ways to live your
life: one as if nothing is a miracle, the
other as if everything is a miracle"
-Albert Einstein(1879-1955)
"If you had one hour to live and
could only make one call, who
would it be to, what would you
say, and why are you waiting?"
-Stephen Levine
8:55 pm;
