{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Sunday, May 21, 2006

title:{Booking In Again}

Sianzness, booking in again after only 12 hours of freedom. Barely enough man. Stupid redigging. FUCK the stupid CSM and OC man. Fucking cheebye, dig one shell scrape not enough is it. Still want me to fucking cover up and redig at another fucked up area. Damn assholes man. Dig until whole body wanna die like that. LOL. It was worse for my friend. He had to redig twice. Considering he had diahrrea for the real digging, and kena redig and redig. So he dug 3 times in total. Ultimate loser man.

I feel like swearing a lot. In fact I swear a lot lately. Feels good though. LOL. Feels a lot like secondary school. All guys and endless vulgarities. Sweetness. Everyday is endless imitating of commanders. Its hilarious the kind of things they do. Like politeness isn't allowed. And when the I/C gets polite, he gets 20 as well. LOL. Almost POP, but still got 12, 16, 24 KM route march, SIT test, SOC and IPPT. So much fuck. Well, nothing new considering I'm from MOFUCK. First class training, unlike ninja, tekan sessions all the way.

Hmmm, losing my voice. Now all the songs I sing along with, I'm singing Bass mostly. Don't bother trying tenor anymore. Maybe if I get into MDC I'll opt for Bass. Provided I can get in. Still resisting the temptation to smoke. At least, first hand smoke. I still like going around and sit around areas which people smoking. Clubbing seems to be a nice option. Maybe got time go out with the dudes to drink and have fun. And watch lots of grinding action.

Saw a newspaper article. Fucked up world we live in man. Its about women molesting man. Fucking cheebye faces. Rather bitches. What the hell, if women rip of men's clothes in some party and do it out of "FUN", its legal. If men do the same, we get fucked upside down. Fucking retarded man. Hear that you bitches out there. FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND. May you get fucked down to the gets of hell and get raped by a million demons in hell. The law is so unfair. Sexist. What the fuck. Go get screwed by dogs. I'm so in the mood for swearing. LOL. This is fun. I miss this a lot. Miss the carefree-ness of secondary school.

Sianzness. Why I bother to be nice man. Why the fuck. Only gonna get taken advantaged by. At least still got some good people around. At least the friends I know are decent enough. Other than that. Everyone else is fuckheads. Well, my first blog with the most vulgarity count. I am so fucking pissed off. This time I won't control. Since society doesn't like me to change for the better, so be it, I will just throw away everything I worked hard for. And give them hell. Qoutation for commanders "Fuck you understand."

7:16 pm;

Sunday, May 14, 2006

title:{Damages}

Got so much little bites all over me. One hand can have up to like 20 mosquitoes bite or other insect bites. So much nonsense. Let's have a count of the number of injuries sustained.

1 X Heat Cramp (Milder version) but still so crappy
1 X Ringworm bite. Man its so shit to have such crappy stuff.
Many X itty bitty bites. Both hands and feet. I'm like a walking buffet to all the insects

Managed to stop myself from procuring cigarettes. Considering my wallet kinda empty after spending on friday night's buffet and booze. Gotta get new shoes and an alternate hat. Sianzness. More than halfway through, but I've changed far too much. I don't seem to remember how I was before. All I know is what I am now, is not something I wanna show everyone else. Question is whether will things be still the same, or will I lose everything that I had since the beginning.

Hopefully some things can remain the same as before. I miss everything and everyone. I wish there is some way I could walk that same path again. I wish there is someone that can lend me a shoulder to lean on. I wish there is someone that can release me from my burden. I wish someday, that someone can help open the lock to my heart. I wish I wish.

4:52 pm;

Saturday, May 13, 2006

title:{Field Camp}

Haiz. I don't want to scold anymore. I scold until I'm fucking sianz already. Its so tiring man. Living everyday feeling like crap, treated like crap, get fucked like crap. Basically my whole life is one fucked up crap. Why do I even bother man. My will to live just slips away. I still don't know what keeps me going on. Why can't the stupid brain just tell the whole body to fucking stop all its function.

During field camp saw friends and commanders smoking and smelling their exhalation makes me wanna smoke as well. Don't know why, but its so freaking stressful that I wanna take a puff too. But well, smoking is bad, so I'll just be a passive smoker. Die faster but what the crap. Maybe I'll take up drinking as well. Depressant. Might provide me some solace and 'high' before I die. I'm very tired man. Everyday is so mental.

I've been wondering, thinking of who to talk to about. But everytime I talk to people, I always try to be happy. Its an instinct to like try to be more jovial as least people won't ignore you. People don't like talking to gloomy people. Well its taking its toll on me. Fucking painful to live man. Ever since I came back from field camp, I just sit on one side and cry a lot. Its getting harder to carry on. Haiz.

Life is how to you choose to perceive it. So says some people. What I see myself is I've got a fucked up life. I practically screwed up since the beginning. What amazes me is God is always there to help me, even when I don't fucking deserve it. I'm like the first person that deserves to go burn. Haiz. You know, there is a question that runs through my head. "Where do you see GOD?". I see GOD mostly in the faces of babies. To me, they represent God's Power and His Will. In those infants, I see him and his great works. Fragile, but growing everyday, becoming stronger, and finally doing great things.

Pray, take care, lots of advices. I don't know where to start. I'm fucking tired of everything. Its really really draining me out. Maybe I'll just start taking up bad habits and hopefully it can kill me faster than this slow torturous crap. Endure they say. I grow weary. I don't even remember who I'm supposed to be.

11:35 pm;