Life is bad for me. My mind is in a state of confusion. I have no idea what is going on anymore. I just feel lots of ups and downs these few days. In fact this whole week is rather full of ups and downs. Like a freaking yo-yo my state of emotions is like either good or bad. So many times in a freaking week.
Let's recap. Friday night. Had dinner and went to meet some secondary school friends. Heard some funny NS story from the only guy who booked out while the rest were either still studying or waiting for enlistment. Then we went to the nearby playground and started playing with all the new stuff. So much difference between the playgrounds of today and of yesterday. Went off to play at the senior citizen's corner. They sure got some wicked exercise equipment there. Some bicycle pedals and the pebble path. Talked about what we knew and stuff like that. Ended up going home at 3 to 4 a.m in the morning.
Saturday. A day of rushing around. Had lunch at NYDC to celebrate Amelia's birthday. Pretty cool stuff considering the cool price as well. Then went off to try out for a choir. Apparently its part of an organization founded by the composer of 'Sunset'. Sang some latin song. Mozart's "Requiem" to be exact. Very nice song if you can get it right. All the tenor parts were so freaking high. Been a long time since I've sung. So ended up using pretty lots of falsetto even on the high F note. Not bad at sight-reading too. At least I didn't screw up much. Everyone looks like newbies. Well only from the looks. Don't think I'll be going back anyways. Its like so crazy, Eng Kee like pushing like crazy and banging on the keyboard. And well the style isn't suiting me. I guess I'm more acapella person than a choral person.
Went to library after dinner. Had an interesting question posed to me. "Why are you so sad?" Stunned me for a while. "Saw you walking very slowly and looking down". I replied with a lie : "It's because I'm tired." Technically, I'm tired. Tired of all the crap stuff happening to me. My brother's giving lot of trouble. Haiz. I can't fake happiness for much longer anymore. I'm gonna snap and someone's gonna get hurt. Or already gotten hurt considering the bruise mark I gave him last week.
I'm trying hard not to give up. Standing up and falling and standing up again. Life is not easy. Problem is I don't know who to turn to. I hate to seek the help of other's who have been giving me assistance for so long. Because it would seem that their efforts to help me have failed and that I've screwed up again. I don't want them to know that I'm such a failure. Pray hard people tell me. I don't even wish to seek His help considering how I failed terribly trying to become a better person. Haiz. Its not easy.
10:58 pm;
N {PROFILE}
Norman Woon
21 Years Young
Male
27/03/1987
MJS, MSS, CJC(rox)
