Finally, BMT is over. No more crap until after block leave is over. So its freedom for a while.
Life sux. Its hard to be who I was during JC. I can't even remember what I was like. I feel very pressured. I feel like I'm putting up a false front. Rather I am putting up a false front. In front of people I try my best to be a nice person. But still some people don't really appreciate it.
Maybe its just army stress. But still, ever since I went to army, I hardly pray anymore. I rarely pray. I don't know why, but the connection seems lost. Probably clouded or just isn't there anymore. I don't feel the same anymore.
Fuck man. Fuck this whole shit. My pillars of support isn't there anymore. Crumbling. I can feel it. All them temptation is just hard to resist anymore. Expensive but well, somehow they seem to soothe me better. Cigarettes, Alcohol, and them pills. Haha. How sweet the scent of them. Whee. Lol. Though the relief might be temporary, its still better than nothing.
I hate isolation. Somehow, with people around I can still try to be a nice person or fake it LOL. I think too much. Isolation just gives me the undesired time to let thoughts run wild. Stupid humans. What the fuck am I fighting for? Worthless bunch of creatures whose DNA is coded to kill and die. Haha. Pathetic morons. FUCK!! Haha.
Things feel so secondary school. All the vulgarities. All the testosterone running wild. Its so fun. Somehow it feels so home like. But still, its not the same as before. Secondary school, we don't get fucked upside down. Hmmm. My thoughts just can't seem to run straight now. Too much booze. And chips. And maybe a nice pack of smokes would make it complete. Not yet anyway. Still not there yet. There might be hope still, but oh wells. Who cares anyway.
The 2 sides seemed more distinct now. Who shall reign free. And who shall die. I wonder. Hmmm. Life is so fucked up. Everyone is so fucked up. So much rage. Can't imagine I kept them all up for so long. People should talk about their emotions more often man. If you don't, well then good luck trying to contain that flame. Haha, its a nice experience though if you know how to direct that fiery rage into flaming some poor ass. Let's see who's the first loser to die by my hands.
9:34 pm;
N {PROFILE}
Norman Woon
21 Years Young
Male
27/03/1987
MJS, MSS, CJC(rox)
