I'm falling. Into the deep darkness of depression. Everything is like bleak liao. I was back to school. I thought maybe singing and being with all the rest would be a way to save myself. At least I had the conscious mind to be polite to Mrs Lok.
I hardly have the energy to be interacting. Good thing I have my trusty cap. Can at least shield my eyes from all the people around me. No more life. Haiz. I don't know what's going on anymore. I just feel lost. Empty. All them sad songs just do nothing but make me wanna cry.
Dinner at "Pepper Lunch". To tell the truth, I didn't really enjoy it very much. All the talking, all the laughing. I was totally not in it. Had to find an excuse to leave. It was really getting unbearable. Felt good to blend into the crowd and just lose myself. Considering I've already lost myself.
I don't have the energy to be angry anymore. I'm just a lost soul. Wondering where the fair winds will send me to. Even my faith is like almost gone. The Lord is there. I know it. He is somehow trying to help me. But I guess I'm not helping myself enough.
I'm still sick. Got cough. I miss my coke. My bottle of chardonnay sits in my cupboard waiting for me. I think I'm going to risk it and just drink another third of it. Afterall, I bought it to relieve myself. I used to wonder why people do things like drinking and smoking. Somehow it all make sense to me. Beats sitting in the toilet and crying. At least do something that feels good for a few seconds even though it kills. Life sucks.
10:40 pm;
N {PROFILE}
Norman Woon
21 Years Young
Male
27/03/1987
MJS, MSS, CJC(rox)
