Morning had medical appointment with an orthopedics specialist at Mount Elizabeth. Man crazy prices. Took X-rays and had a blood test. So far the diagnosis is that no visible joint problem. But blood test will show the deeper stuff, see whether got funny funny rheumatism. Freaky man. To get such shit at my age. Oh wells. My knees are freaking funky man. Sometimes will just ache for no reason. Sitting down will also kena. Fuck man.
Then had a small group gathering. Sianz. Then went out with dinner with parents. And finally watched Pirate Of the Carribean with secondary school buddies.
Sian. Before I came home, got this suddenly realization. Why am I trying so hard to pack my days. I find that I'm just basically distracting myself. But ultimately I stil have to face that shit somehow. Haiz. Somehow I feel rather distant from many people now. Had an argument with my Mom yesterday. So far things still turn out fine.
Fuck man. I can understand her concern for my health but wah lau, everyweek I book out and have so little time for my own personal activites. Its seriously fucking stress. So many things to juggle around.
Seeing my friends again, I feel rather not really happy. I felt sad rather. Why? Because I miss them a lot. And seeing them just so not often is like crap. I miss everyone in school. I miss school. I miss my friends. I miss choir. I missing singing. And most of all, I miss myself. Since the beginning, I somehow lost part of myself along the way. I can hardly rememeber what it was like being myself. I'm like forcing myself to be happy in front of peoples. Trying to put on a smile to show that I'm normal. But inside its just an empty shell, a shadow of what's left of the former self.
Drinking, eating. Somehow it just isn't good enough to drown out the pain. Everyday I long for someone, or a particular someone. I just want to have someone to lean on. Everything seems to be crumbling around me. The world, my knees, my voice.
How many panadols does it take to end the pain? And how many more, to end the life?
1:32 am;
N {PROFILE}
Norman Woon
21 Years Young
Male
27/03/1987
MJS, MSS, CJC(rox)
